Why is there no
Recess for Moms?
My friend and podcast co-host Nicole has three kids under 7. The youngest one is about to have her tonsils removed. Her oldest just started second grade. Oh, and she has two businesses that she runs from home, her blog and a freelance writing gig. Oh, and we do a podcast together. Did I mention that she has dogs, too?
Nicole is not exactly “swimming” in extra free time. Like lots of working moms, she has trouble fitting in anything new. She just doesn’t have the time to add anything to her more-than-full life.
I have not been in her shoes, her stay-at-home, solopreneur, dog-walking shoes. But I have been the parent with no wiggle room. My wife and I had two kids while I was studying to be a Psychologist. I wrote my dissertation in the wee hours before the kids woke up. They were 3 and 5 years old when I logged extra clinical hours to earn my license.
I was so busy that I felt my life slipping away. I was starting to panic that I was missing their childhood. If I didn’t change something I thought I’d dig out just in time to see them head off to college.
I was afraid I would barely know my own kids.
If I could choose
I would stop time.
It would let me catch my breath or savor the moment. I could pause to revel in my kids’ laughter. I could take in how radiant my wife looks in the morning.
On the flip side, feeling like I was running out of time was the WORST kind of stress. I had to work late and missed our family dinner. I ran late to pick up my kids. I skipped their playoff game to catch up on work. I felt like there was NOTHING I can do.
I want to give my kids everything. We didn’t have all the money in the world but I would spend my last dime on them. I fought all the distractions (and all the screens!) to be present and listen to them. But time was the one thing I cannot make any more of.
It’s an impossible equation to solve: kids need more of your time and, because of them, you have less. So you get nothing done, making you even more stressed out.
What happens next? You do your best to catch up on housework or work-work and miss your kids’ biggest moments. If only you could stop time, or even just pause it, to savor the most important moments of your life.
“I have no time!”
I hear this from working moms all the time. Is that you? Do you believe that “they just aren’t making any more” time?
I’m not a magician but I can help you learn to expand time. Let’s get some “facts” straight:
True or False: The past is done and there is nothing I can do about it!
You may think the past has no impact on your present state. You don’t even think much about it. It certainly doesn’t take up any space in your mind or use up any of your mental energy.
If these statements sound true to you, I believe you have a couple tricks up your sleeve to make more time that might surprise you.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
- Max Planck, Quantum Physicist
Managing your time isn’t just about choices. Yes, if you work harder to align your choices of how to spend your time to your work/life/health/wealth/family goals, you will squeeze a few more drops of time from your day. But if you work harder, you will lose energy squeezing out those drops.
You need MORE energy,
Working more efficiently, examining your choices with a microscope, mapping your time, and using more willpower are ways to exhaust yourself.
The secret to expanding time is NOT about doing more of the same, just more efficiently. You need to do something truly different if you want a different result.
I can help you learn how to slow down when you feel the need to move faster.
What if life could be simpler?
If there isn’t any time to pause in your day, you simply can’t replenish your energy. You need ways to refill your tank DURING the day, not just at night with sleep.
Recess gets scheduled out of our kids' school day by middle school. In the same way, we lose one energy-adding part of our life at a time until there are none. Friends, self-care, intimacy, creative time. Time to do nothing on purpose. Play. They all gradually get cut from our school day.
Let’s build it back in.
Recess for Moms launches in May. Besides expanding time, participants will learn new tricks to add fun and intimacy and play back into your life, and how to tweak the sleep-stress cycle to gain more energy during the day. There are a limited number of spots open. Admission is open by application only. Apply for your spot here.